Every Last Piece

Sometimes, I just feel sad inside. There's not always a clear explanation. But normally it seems to happen when my own brokenness as well as everything I see just seems to become too much. I close my eyes, and I feel like I can see it- all the pain, all the anger, all the confusion, the regret, the emptiness. I taste the bitterness of the world. I feel the disease of humanity run through my veins, down my arms and into my fingertips, through my heart, infiltrating my thoughts, my life. And it hurts. A great sorrow that makes my soul weep and cry and wail. I see the hurt, the confusion, the influence of society imposed on my precious friends that I love so much, on the little children I am constantly around every day, on my community- it surrounds me.

Everywhere I look, I see it and feel it, what is deep beneath the surface.
But I thank Him. Sometimes, I don't even fully understand why. I don't fully understand how such incredible joy could grow in me, could so much as exist in a broken body. I don't understand how truth is able to seep into a mind constantly told lies. I don't understand how Perfection can live within the rubbish, the imperfect.

But it does.

I don't know how You are able to love me. Just having that question breaks me in two. How undeserving am I?
All I know is, I'm a silly girl. I'm incredulously selfish. I say that I want You first, that You are my All in All, but then I turn around and to avoid facing my pain over the lost, the sick, the hurt, the Suffers, I pick some other life style choice, even if only for a minute.

How often are we all stubborn enough to think we can live two lives, unwilling to give up our distractions for His glory? And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of this half-ass crap. I'm tired of seeing it, of partaking in it, and of remaining silent. The world tells us lies. God speaks truth. It is very simple. Who are we listening too? And are we willing to face the answer to that question. Because, I think by our nature, we don't want to. It is a conscious choice. We say no. The rest of the world can balance life. Why can't we? But there is no damn balance. There is God. And there is what is not of Him. We cannot have both, because the God who designed us, who went to Hell and back, who gave up everything does not want a meager part of who He created. That would be like a potter settling for a broken piece of the jar. How the hell will He put back together what was broken if He only has one of the pieces? No, He asks for more. Grace is a free gift. But it will cost you everything, because He wants you.  Every last piece of you. Do not settle for giving Him a bit of your heart and selling out to the rest of what a fallen world says. You are worth so much more than that! God says you are worth being fully restored, fully put back together, fully Loved. And the world cannot love you. It will devour you. And that is the truth. The world is false. It isn't true reality. It is trap. And until we can admit that, we will remain attached to it. A time is coming when we will no longer have to look around and break at the sight of all the devastation. But we have to remember to let go of it. Because God calls us to more. We are aliens in a foreign land. I don't want to end up making this my home just because I get tired of waiting. Be in the world, not of it.

I want to live. Not tied to anything or anyone who stakes a claim to this earth. I am free. It's time to stop acting like a slave. So screw you Satan.
You're worth more. Whatever you are thinking, wherever you are, whoever you think you are, you are worth more. You are worth everything.